This was prompted by one of those questionnaires that float around on social media. The idea was to list ten things you have never told anyone and then ask ten people to do the same. I failed miserably.

1: I have worn the same red slippers that I got on clearance at Old Navy for 10 years because I can't find a replacement pair that is red and only costs $2.50.

2: ...and wearing another color of slippers is not gonna happen.

3: That wasn't a fart, my stomach really does growl that loudly.

4: The day after we were married, I had a panic attack and just about left Pam sleeping in the car at a rest stop near Boise, Idaho and ran home. But then I came to my senses and remembered that I'm not much of a runner.

               4.1: Staying in the car was the smartest thing I've ever done.

               4.2: I didn't tell Pam about this until we'd been married for over five years.

5: There's a song in my head that I like but it's laced with profanity, so I can only sing it in the car when I'm by myself.

6: We refer to daily meds at my house as the Judy Garland Trail Mix.

7: If I had to choose between being around cats and being around people, I'd choose lizards.

8: When I'm on the road, I miss my shower at home because it has exactly 300 tiles in it. Would it be too much to ask hotel chains to make sure the tile count is in multiples of ten?

9: If you only knew me on Facebook, you'd think my brothers and I hate each other. In truth, I love that I can be myself unfiltered with them - right up to that point where one of us takes it too far.

10: I'm not much for holidays. Pam and I celebrate Groundhog Day more often than Valentines - and even then, only when we feel like it.

               10.1: Except I love the 4th of July so much I take the 3rd off every year just to get ready for it.

11: I have six pair of the exact same pants hanging in my closet so I don't have to make any big decisions early in the morning.

12: I have an unnatural obsession with the color orange.

               12.1: And car dashboards.

               12.2: And toothpaste specks on bathroom mirrors.

               12.3: And health care professionals who wear scrubs in eating establishments. I’m afraid that you're going to give us all tuberculosis. Or gingivitis. Or something. Please stop.

13: I get to work early every day so I can wipe everything down with disinfectant wipes before anyone else gets in and acts like that's crazy.

14: Pam and I will comment on each other's Facebook posts when we're sitting right next to each other, instead of talking like normal people do.

               14.1: And then we’ll start giggling in the middle of a quiet room but no one knows why

15: I only like to watch comedies with Pam because watching her laugh at a joke is usually funnier to me than the joke.

16: I have scabs on my knuckles right now and I have no idea where they came from, but it makes me want to donate more to charity because I think I may be assaulting homeless people in my sleep.

17: I have drawers full of artwork, but I don't have any of my prints hanging in my own house. When I did, I just kept finding things wrong with them until I couldn't stand to look at them anymore.

18: I'll smile if you make a comment about me being able to "eat what I want and never gain weight" but mentally I'm probably stabbing you with a fork.

19:  My brother-in-law has standing orders to make sure my obituary is filled with bald-faced lies.  Unless he dies first. We didn't really think this through.

20: It's taken me three days to edit this list and it was 31 entries before I took out all the stuff that sounded like a maudlin drunk wrote it.

               20.1: I had to resist the urge to put all of these in alphabetical order.

               20.2: But I would have sorted them by the second word because too many lines start with the letter "I."

               20.3: That's 14, 19, 12.1, 4, 4.2, 13, 20, 7, 10.1, 8, 4.1, 20.1, 11, 12, 17, 16, 1, 12.3, 10, 15, 6, 18, 5, 20, 12.2, 2, 3, 9; in case you're wondering.